Angry BeforePeacefulAfter



Angry BeforePeacefulAfter

Depression part 1

Did you ever meet someone and realize that no matter what you say, it will be rejected, even when it is obviously for his or her benefit?

ויהי מקץ ימים ויבא קין מפרי האדמה מנחה ליהוה והבל הביא גםהוא מבכרות צאנו ומחלבהן וישע יהוה אל הבל ואל מנחתו ואלקין ואל מנחתו לא שעה ויחר לקין מאד ויפלו פניו ויאמר יהוה אלקין למה חרה לך ולמה נפלו פני הלוא אם תיטיב שאת ואם לא תיטיב לפתח חטאת רבץ ואליך תשוקתו ואתה תמשל בו ויאמר קין אל הבל אחיו ויהי בהיותם בשדה ויקם קין אל הבל אחיו ויהרגהו (בראשית ד: ג-ח)
“And it came to pass, Kayin brought an offering to Hashem of the fruit of the ground. And Hevel also brought of the firstlings of his flock and from their choicest; Hashem turned to Hevel and to his offering. But to Kayin and his offering He did not turn; this angered Kayin exceedingly, and his countenance fell. And Hashem said to Kayin, “Why are you angry, and why has your countenance fallen? Surely, if you improve yourself, you will be forgiven. But if you do not improve yourself, sin rests at the door. Its desire is toward you yet you can prevail over it.” And Kayin spoke to his brother Hevel. And it came to pass when they were in the field, that Kayin rose up against his brother Hevel and killed him. (Bereishis, 4:3-8)
וישע ה’ אל הבל. פי’ ר’ יוסף קמחי דלכך לא שעה אל קין שלא הביא אלא לאחר שמילא כרסו והיה לו להביא מן הבכורים קודם שנהנה אבל הבל הביא מבכורות צאנו קודם שנהנה:
(פי’ הטור על התורה, שם)

R. Yoseph Kimchi explains that it is because of this that Hashem did not turn to Kayin. He only brought after he filled his stomach and he should have brought from the finest before he had (any) gratification. However, Hevel did bring from the finest of his flock before he had (any) gratification. (Tur al Ha-Torah, ibid.)

Kayin is very angry (2), he has a jealous rage toward his brother Hevel – his sacrifice was accepted. Hashem asks Kayin, “Why are you angry? Why are you jealous of your brother that I accepted his offering? It is not that I simply accepted his and rejected yours. And it certainly is not unjust. Look what and how your brother brought to Me an offering and look what you did!”

 (2)In a great state of depression

ולמה נפלו פניך. כי כשיש לקלקול איזו תקנה אין ראוי להצטער על מה שעבר, אבל ראוי להשתדל להשיג תקון לעתיד:
(ספורנו בראשית פרק ד)
And why has your countenance fallen? When a fault can be remedied, it is improper to grieve over the past, but one should make an effort to improve for the future. (Sforno, ibid.)

Hashem clearly gives Kayin the opportunity to repent. Bring an acceptable offering and everything will be okay.

ויאמר קין אל הבל אחיו. פי’ שסיפר לו דברי הקדוש ברוך הוא ומה שאמר לו והראה לו שחרה לו היטב על אשר לא שעה אליו כמו אל הבל ושמח הבל ויקם קין על הבל אחיו ויהרגהו בקנאתו.
(דעת זקנים מבעלי התוספות,בראשית, ד:ח)
And Kayin spoke to his brother Hevel. (The text itself does not say what Kayin said to Hevel,

the commentaries inform us what was said). Kayin told Hevel what the Holy One, blessed be He, said to him and that Kayin demonstrated to Hashem that he was very angry that Hashem did not turn to him as He did to Hevel. Now Hevel was happy (3). And Kayin rose up against his brother and killed him in his jealousy. (Daas Zekeinim Mi-baalei Ha-Tosafos, ibid.)

In simple language, the only reason why Hevel is happy is because he hears about the fact that his offering was accepted. It is very understandable that when one hears about something pleasant that occurred to him in the past, it pleases him. A smile is definitely reasonable. Kayin cannot, will not, see this as the true reaction of Hevel. Kayin because of whom Kayin is sees a smirk, a sarcastic grin, even though it’s not there, Kayin sees it! Kayin cannot come to terms with this, and he kills his brother (4).

 
(3) It is perfectly understandable when a person hears about something good that was done in connection with him that he is happy. This was Hevel’s reaction when Kayin spoke about Hashem accepting his sacrifice. Kayin looks at Hevel and sees this as a grin-and killed him.

 
(4) Advice: Nobody is perfect. Hashem created teshuvah (repentance) for this very purpose. If G-d forbid, someone did something wrong, that person can and should do teshuvah. Hashem created teshuvah and wants the person to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity. Everything can be resolved. Kayin chose to be a loser, choose to be a winner!

וכבר כתב הרב ספר הברית, שמי שהוא בר דעת לא ימצא מקום להתעצב על שום דבר ממה נפשך, כי לא ימנע מהיות העצבות, אלא על אחד משתים, או על דבר שיש לו תקנה או על דבר שאין לו תקנה. אם יש תקנה מה לו להתעצב, יעשה התקנה וינצל, ואם אין תקנה, מה בצע כי יתעצב, הרי דוד המלך עליו השלום, כשמת בנו אמר ערך השלחן שימו לחם כי אמר, מה בצע ענות אדם נפשו, האם אוכל להשיבו, אני אלך אליו, והוא לא ישוב אלי (שמואל ב יב כג). ועוד יחשב האיש בעדן עציבותא על מקרי הזמן, כי אין טובה בעולם כטובת היות לני תורת אמת, חקים ומצות טובים. וידמה כמי שיש לו אלף אלפים דינרי זהב, ואבדה ממנו פרוטה קטנה שאינו חושש עליה. ואם מתעצב על מלי דעלמא, או כועס לפי חמר שבו, הרי זה דומה למי שאבדה ממנו פרוטה ומשליך לאבוד עליה זהב ופז רב, כן הדבר הזה. כזאת וכזאת החי יתן אל לבו להעביר רעה מבשרו, ויהיה שמח וטוב לב, ובשרו ישכן לבטח:
פלא יועץ
The author of the Sefer HaBris has already written that a person who possesses intelligence will never find a situation for which he is depressed. This is because depression will only result from one of two situations – either for something for which there is a solution or for something for which there is no solution. If there is a solution, why should a person be depressed? Let him make the correction and be saved. If there is no solution, what benefit is there when he is depressed? Behold, when King David’s son died, he said, “Set the table! Place the bread!” He asked, “What does a man gain with his sadness? Will I be able to bring him back? I will go to him, but he will not return unto me!” (Shmuel II, 12:20-23) Moreover, a person should think at a time of sadness regarding the unpleasant incidents of time that there is no greater good in this world than the goodness of our having the Torah of truth, with its good laws and mitzvoth! He should consider himself like a person who has one million gold coins and has lost a small copper coin. This will not disturb him. If a person gets upset about matters of this world or angry

according to the severity of the matter, behold this can be compared to a person who lost a small copper coin, and, as a result, throws away much gold and precious metal. This is the true nature of what he is doing. This and other similar things a man must take to heart in order to remove evil from his flesh. He will be happy and content and his body will rest securely.

Pele Yo’etz

עצבות, חלק ראשון
א. מִי שֶׁלֹּא תִּקֵּן חַטַּאת נְעוּרִים, עַל יְדֵי זֶה בָּאִים לוֹ דְּאָגוֹת.
ב. לָרֹב בָּא הַצַּעַר לָאָדָם עַל יְדֵי דִּבּוּרוֹ.
ג. כְּשֶׁיֵּשׁ לְךָ צַעַר, תְּדַבֵּר מִזֶּה הַצַּעַר.
ד. עַל. יְדֵי דְּאָגָה בַּלֵּב נוֹפֵל עַל הָאָדָם אֵימַת מָוֶת.
ה. עַל יְדֵי הַכְנָעָה נִתְבַּטֵּל רָעָה וְיָגוֹן.
ו. מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ עַצְבוּת, יִסְתַּכֵּל עַל הַצַּדִּיקִים, וְיָבֹא לוֹ שִׂמְחָה בְּלִבּוֹ.
ז. כְּשֶׁאַתָּה נִכְנָס בְּבֵית נָכְרִי, עַל יְדֵי זֶה בָּא עַצְבוּת.
ח. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת אָדָם נֶחֱלָשׁ.
ט. עַל יְדֵי לֵב רָע הַפָּנִים נִשְׁתַּנֶּה.
י. כְּשֶׁיֵּשׁ לְךָ צַעַר בְּיוֹם שִׂמְחָה, וְכָל שִׂמְחָתְךָ נִשְׁבָּת, תֵּדַע שֶׁתַּמָּה זְכוּת אֲבוֹתֶיךָ.
יא. מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ עַצְבוּת, יִתֵּן מַתָּנָה לַצַּדִּיק תָּדִיר.
יב. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת בָּא שְׂרֵפָה.
יג. עַצְבוּת סִימָן לְאֵיזֶה חֹלָאַת, שֶׁמְּמַשְׁמֵשׁ לָבוֹא.
יד. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא אֵין עִמּוֹ.
טו. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת רוֹאֶה קֶרִי.
טז. עַצְבוּת בָּא עַל יְדֵי כַּעַס.
יז. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת אֵינוֹ מַשִּׂיג תּוֹחַלְתּוֹ.
יח. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת נִתְבַּזֶּה.
יט. עַל יְדֵי בְּכִיָּה אֵין אָדָם יָכוֹל לֶאֱכֹל.
כ. מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ עַצְבוּת וְהוּא תָּמִיד בְּשִׂמְחָה, בְּוַדַּאי יִתְנַשֵּׂא.
כא. עַל יְדֵי עַצְבוּת בָּא בִּזָּיוֹן.
כב. בְּכִיָּה הוּא סִימָן טוֹב לְחוֹלֶה.
כג. עַל יְדֵי יָגוֹן אוֹיְבָיו נִתְרוֹמְמִים.
כד. עַל יְדֵי יָגוֹן בָּא כְּאֵב לֵב.
כה. מִי שֶׁהוּא מָהִיר, הוּא עַצְבָן.
כו. קִרְבַת הַצַּדִּיקִים מְשַׂמֵּחַ אֶת. הַלֵּב.
כז. סְגֻלָּה לְהָסִיר עַצְבוּת, שֶׁיִּשְׁמַע אֶת צַדִּיק נִכְבָּד, כְּשֶׁהוּא מְזַמֵּר.
כח. מִי שֶׁאֵין מִתְוַדֶּה עַל עֲווֹנוֹתָיו, אֲנָחָה וּדְאָגוֹת בָּאִים עָלָיו.
כט. כְּשֶׁאָדָם מִתְאַוֶּה לִדְבָרִים שֶׁהֵם נֶגְדִּיִּים לַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, עַל יְדֵי זֶה בָּא לוֹ אֲנָחָה.
ל. הָעֶצֶב עַל חֲלוֹם רָע מְבַטֵּל אֶת הַחֲלוֹם, שֶּׁלֹּא יִתְקַיֵּם.
לא. קוֹל וּמַרְאֶה וְרֵיחַ מְשִׁיבִין דַּעְתּוֹ שֶׁל אָדָם.
לב. עַל יְדֵי הַצְּעָקָה נִתְבַּטֵּל הַצַּעַר.
לג. מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ עַצְבוּת, מֵבִיא עַל עַצְמוֹ יִסּוּרִין.
לד. כָּל הַנִּמְשָׁךְ אַחַר צַעֲרוֹ יוֹתֵר מִדַּי, הַצַּעַר נִמְשָׁךְ אַחֲרָיו.
לה. תְּמָרִים מְבַטְּלִין דְּאָגָה.
לו. אַגָּדָה מְשַׂמֵּחַ אֶת הָאָדָם.
עצבות, חלק שני
א. עַצְבוּת שֶׁבְּלֵב הָאָדָם, כְּשֶׁמַּרְגִּישׁ בְּרָעָתוֹ, כִּי הַלֵּב הוּא הַמֵּסֵב לְכָל זֶה, כִּי הַלֵּב הוּא הַגּוֹרֵם לְכָל דָּבָר הֵן לְטוֹב הֵן לְהֵפֶךְ.
ב. צָרִיךְ לִשְׁמֹר אֶת עַצְמוֹ מֵעַצְבוּת, כְּדֵי שֶּׁלֹּא יָבוֹא, חַס וְשָׁלוֹם, לִידֵי אֲבֵלוּת.
ג. עַל יְדֵי הַצַּעַר וְהָעַצְבוּת בָּא מְרִיבָה בָּעוֹלָם, וְעַל יְדֵי הַשִּׂמְחָה בָּא שָׁלוֹם בָּעוֹלָם.
ד. עַל יְדֵי קִלְקוּל הַשִּׂמְחָה בָּא חֳלָאִים עָלָיו.
ה. סְגֻלָּה לְהָסִיר הָעַצְבוּת עַל יְדֵי הָרַחֲמָנוּת.
ו. הַנְּדָרִים וְהַנְּדָבוֹת מְבִיאִין שִׂמְחָה.

ספר המדות

Depression, Part 2

1. One who has not rectified the sins of his youth, through this worries come upon him.
2. For the most part, suffering comes to a man through his speech.
3. When you are suffering, speak about this suffering.
4. Through worries of the heart, falls upon the person fear of death.
5. Through submission, evil and sorrow are annulled.
6. One who is depressed should gaze upon the tzadikim, and joy will come to his heart.
7. When you enter the house of a non-Jew, through this depression comes [upon you].
8. Through depression one becomes weakened.
9. Through an evil heart, one’s face is transformed.
10. When you have anguish on a day of joy, and all your happiness is dispelled, know that your ancestral merit has been exhausted.
11. One who is depressed should continually give a gift to a tzadik.
12. Through depression come fires (burnings).
13. Depression is a sign that some disease is about to manifest.
14. Due to depression, the Holy One, Blessed be He, is not with him.
15. Through depression, one has (lit. sees) a (wasteful unintentional) seminal emission.
16. Depression comes through anger.
17. Through depression, a person does not reach his aspiration.
18. Due to depression, one is degraded.
19. Due to weeping, a person is unable to eat.
20. One who is not depressed, but is always joyful, will certainly be raised up.
21. Through depression comes degradation
22. Crying is a positive sign for a sick person.
23. Through anguish, one’s enemies are highly elevated.
24. Through anguish comes heart pain.
25. One who is hasty is gloomy (sad/annoyed/irritated).
26. Drawing close to a tzadik makes the heart joyous
27. A segulah for removing depression is to listen to an honored tzadik when he sings.
28. One who does not confess his sins has sighing and worries come upon him.
29. When a person lusts after things that are against [the Will of] the Holy One, Blessed be He, through this anguish (/sighing) comes upon him.
30. Sadness due to a bad dream annuls [the influence of] the dream, preventing it from coming to pass.
31. Voice, appearance, and scent restore a person’s wellbeing (lit. knowledge/awareness).
32. Through screaming, one’s pain is annulled.
33. One who is depressed brings suffering upon himself.
34. One who draws too far after his own suffering, suffering draws towards him.
35. Dates annul worry.
36. Aggadah brings joy to a man.

Depression, Part 3

1. Depression [fills] the heart of a man when he becomes aware of his own evil (/bad fortune). For the heart causes all of this, because the heart is the cause of everything; for good or for bad (lit. the opposite).
2. One must guard himself from depression in order that he not come to mourning, G-d forbid.
3. Through suffering and sadness, conflict comes into the world. Conversely, through joy, peace comes to the world.
4. Through the spoiling of one’s joy, sicknesses come upon him
5. It is a segulah to remove depression through mercy.
6. Vows and pledges bring happiness.
Sefer Hamidos